Derrick Simpson, June 13
As most of you know the World Cup kicked off yesterday. If you’re anything like me, you’d rather watch paint dry than a bunch of hooligans chasing a ball for international glory. Worry not bored American, for that’s a problem of the past. I’ve created three soccer themed games that will surely have you blowing a Vuvuzela and pretending you know who Suarez or whoever is.
Soccer on the Street
Before playing this game make sure you have your favourite team’s kit (JERSEY) and a cheap pair of cleats. Stand outside your local Police station. When a civilian passes bump into him and fall over. Channel your inner soccer player and create some tears while faking an injury. Play until the referee (policeman) gives the player (civilian) a red card (criminal record)!
The Brazil Experience
Get a spray tan and wax your entire body. Then go to your arts and crafts table (I know you have one) and make a protest sign using your fanciest of glitters and colours. Turn the TV onto the World Cup and stand outside your house . Proceed to yell and complain about how much the tournament costs and how the money should be used somewhere else. Bonus points if the neighbours call the cops!
Is he faking?
While watching the World Cup with friends (be careful not to gouge your eyes out) argue over if a player is faking an injury or not (he OBVIOUSLY is!). Make sure your cleats are on because winner gets to kick the loser in the shin!
Hopefully, you can all enjoy soccer just a little bit more now. Or at least these games will help you tolerate it.
Like what you saw? Don’t like soccer? Leave a comment below!
Derrick Simpson, All day Sportz